The Stories We Tell
In a previous post, I reflected on the importance of sharing our stories. Stories, however they are shared (as songs, plays, writings, etc.), help us establish connections with each other and understand each other more completely. When you tell me about who you are, you help me understand better who I am. We each learn more about our place in the world. Storytelling allows you the opportunities to make your voiced heard.
This week, I have been thinking about another aspect of story-telling - the stories we tell ourselves. Most of us give little conscious thought to the stories themselves, but in truth, we are always telling ourselves tales. Some are stories about our past - tales of our heartbreaks and personal triumphs, tales of what has led us to this moment in our history, tales of who we have been. Some are stories about our potential futures - anxieties over possible crisis, hopes of where the next decisions we make might take us, our dreams of brighter tomorrows. All of these stories work together to help us manifest our imaginations, shape our response to the world around us, and define how we see ourselves in relationship with others. As we tell ourselves we are, so we are - or work to become.
We spend so little time in considering our inner narratives that we often fail to pause and reflect with clarity and consistency. I find myself wasting my time and energy dwelling on a multitude of future scenarios that will never actually come to pass, creating an unhealthy anxiety. I often fail to put past experiences in their proper perspective - indeed, my thoughts and feelings about my past shift all the time - cultivating a skewed framework for decision making in the present. As Seneca reminds us, “We are more often frightened than hurt, and we suffer more from imagination than from reality.”* I believe he means this in reference to our past, present, and future.
Many times, we are guilty of crafting for ourselves comfortable illusions. We tell ourselves what we want most to hear and to believe and overlook - or willfully ignore - anything that might challenge or contradict it. These illusions have a way of brushing up against reality eventually which leaves them - and sometimes us - broken.
The difficulty is being completely honest with ourselves. Honesty makes us uncomfortable because it challenges us to think critically. Honesty is certainly not always encouraged by our culture (consider how advertisers seek to create dissatisfaction in our lives where there is none) or our egos. In the presence of honest truth, I cannot remain as I am. Truths transform us, and we do not always welcome the change. Instead, we seek out information that confirms our existing biases and opinions and focus more on having been right all along over being right.
Being honest requires me to acknowledge my faults without overstating them. It means admitting that I am actually good at some tasks and that I am both worthy of and deserving of love and respect. Being honest means accepting that I have little control over many of my circumstances, but I have complete control over my responses. Being honest means admitting that I do not (and cannot) know everything, Rather than protecting myself from transformation, through honesty I move toward it and embrace it.
What stories are you telling yourself these days? What habits of thinking need to change so that you can transform into the person you most need to be?
*Quotes from Lucius Antaeus Seneca from www.goodreads.com/quotes - accessed September 26, 2020
