My Story to (not) Tell
I have a story that I would love to tell you. It would give you important insight into my thoughts regarding current events, and hearing me would show you a little more of my heart and help you better understand who I am. The story is my perspective on an experience of an important event in the life of my family and the fallout that followed. You would see how I have dealt with the traumas of those moments and how they have shaped me.
But I will not tell you. I am choosing withhold this part of myself from you.
Why would I do that? With the emphasis I place on connection and storytelling in my life, why would I -or anyone else- choose silence over sharing? There are many reasons.
Some of you would over-emphasize small pieces of my story to turn it into your rallying cry. You would distort the details of my story - drawing attention only to the parts you felt were important. You would make me an example to be followed or a villain to be denounced. You would highlight decisions I made in the moment as mistakes or as courageous stances in order to make me a monster or a hero. I can assure you I am neither. You would repeat my story to justify your own feelings about the world rather than reflecting on my story as a chance to better know me. You would use me.
Some of you would refuse to empathize with me and would choose instead to sit in judgement of me. You would criticize the choices made throughout the story and conclude that I somehow deserved what happened. You would use my story as an opportunity to tell your own - a story about your superiority. You will tell yourself that you would never do the things I had done. You would repeat my story to inflate your own ego because you are such a better person than I am. You would use me.
I would also choose not to tell you my story because I tell myself you will not care. You see, I have witnessed others share their stories who have been met with skepticism, indifference, or outright hostility. We delight in tearing others apart, especially if we disagree with them. Why would I ever choose to open my heart and share myself with you when I suspect you are only waiting to tear me apart? I admit that I am judging you before the fact - which is not fair - but I am no fool. I see how you have refused to listen to others who have poured themselves out to you. They have left in a worse state than before. You have used them.
Because I fear these things, I will choose rather to keep silent. I will share this story only with myself, and you will never have the chance to know me as well as I wish you could.
Silence over sharing is the choice of too many. Finding stories distorted and misused is the experience of too many. Fellow travelers, these things should not be. Do better. Let us all resolve to listen more deeply.
